I'm tired...of it all.
I came home today. I though I would trade my games for some old Pokemon games.
He was nice. I traded all my rare pokemon cards and other cards for them, Gave him my old Digivice just to get thoses games.
But i found out.

All my games, That i loved and truely kept dear to me, are gone.
My nintendo 64 (the reason why i got pokemon gold, silver, yellow, blue-eventhoughitsmissingwithmygameboy.___.;-, crystal and red all over again) is missing parts. after i kept it clean and kept together.
All my game cube games that i loved, are gone... the only one I have left... is my Sonic battles only cause my brother likes playing it too...

My Playstation games that will take forever to find... gone..replaced for worthless pieces of shit games that my brother wanted.
everything...of mine is gone... My brother broke my gamecube so it wont restart....he broke his all the way and now i Have to give mine to him cause "He has nothing other to play, When he has a DS and a PSP of his own. (Which is doing POOR conditions)

out of all the games i had, i only have left;
some of my DS games, my old gameboy games, Legend of Dragoon, Finalfantasy7, Okami, Energized, Jurassic park (ps games that my brother has been trying to steal) and one gamecube game sonic battles 2.

I don't want to by myself anything anymore. and all my family gets me is fabric, paper, old broken down nicknacks and electronic wires that i don't know what goes to what. My room is over flooded with useless junk that my mom does not want to see in her liveing room or any other place cause she cant find where to put it, So im left with these pieces of crap wrapped over my Important items.
and when i do get something i can love. My brother steals it or gets it cause he whines.

I feel like my family hates me.
My brother always gets away with everything. I yelled at him and grandpa threaten'd me to take me to the police station so i could stay there a night. My mom yelled at me cause the only thing i have left from my childhood is pulled to pieces and all my games are gone so its my fault for misplacing them since her angel would not have taken them out of the gaming area or traded them in.
Phil yells at me cause im the hobo of the house for when i do clean up and make things nice and tighty no one ever notices.

I'm not saying that my life is the worse life ever or anything like that but its going through really hard moments. Not just cause i lost everything that was important to me cause it was the only hobby i had that got me into drawing and anime/cosplay. its because no matter how much i try it does not mean shit to anyone.

As my brother goes off skipping in the fields of Fantasy Happiness only to be brought out by grandparents buying him really expensive new/old games, constantly yelling and screaming at anyone who does not get his way/ treating mother like shit and making sure everyone is kissing his ass while i feel like shit cause i can't get one single love thing from any family member and I'm treated as a shit child.

Even though it affects how i feel about my life bringing my low self-asteam down crashing into the bottomless pit of already forced depression from a shit childhood of bottled up emotions and constant alone time and put downs.
I still feel shitty as ever.
I wana go somewhere. make myself happy. get what ever i want back. Get all my transformers actionfigures all my dinosaurs and videogames. All 450 of my hotwheels back.

I wish i could go back to my alone time that i got, with all the nicknacks that made me happy. My first harvest moon game that made me feel i could do anything, so happy that i cosplayed Karen from it with out noticing it was cosplay.
I liked that time. Even how shitty and pittiful it was. How much i was used for it and treated so shittily. I had everything i needed.

A small room, a tv. My prize collections. my quite time. no one bothering me cause i had a lock on the door. even though i lacked clothes and hardly had any of the updated games and they where the run down no one wants to buy cheap ass games and fuzzy posters with 99c plastic or metal cars. It made me happy. Im so stressed now, I need to get everything back into order but i cant clean it up and its stressing me out.

Everytime i clean it up it always gets dirty or tangled or anything like that with out no word of what so ever is being done with it.
It makes me feel useless. My sleeping patterns have gone to shit cause so far everything is my fault again and i cant get away from it even if i try to. I'm alone in the wrong way, everyone and everything is dieing and/or moving away. Items or humans.

I need to get a job, a car, and my GED. But sad to say, I really truly, don't know how to do it.
Right now, All I want is my Item friends back.